I have “Let Go” tattooed on my wrist.
Well actually, it’s written in Japanese Kanji characters. I wanted it to remind me to let things/people/feelings go, but I also wanted it to be a message for me, not necessarily something I wanted to blare our the world. Hence the reason it is in a basically unreadable language.
But it is beautiful.
And I know.
And in case you were wondering, I had a wonderful Japanese student who assisted me to make sure I didn’t have something awful actually written on me, and have since had it validated.
But I digress.
Let Go. Let it GO. If only it were that easy. Recently, one of my closest and dearest friends wrote me a long and scathing list of transgressions I had committed against him over the past few years, and the sum totally has probably ended, but most certainly changed the face of, what I thought our friendship was. It has been somewhat devastating and if someone told me to “just let it go” I would probably hurl the nearest, heaviest object I could at them.
It’s the “how” isn’t it? The “how” that catches us up. Living lively, easily, gently and authentically should be easy. Letting go of that which does not serve us should be so obvious and simple.
Oops. There I go – using the “sh” word.
So what tools can I pull out of my toolbox to help me? Surely after becoming a Certified Life Coach I must have tools that will help me know that I don’t have to scramble to justify myself and my actions to release (read: let go) the pain of being harshly judged for just being me. I truly want to release the sense of injustice, that I have to PROVE I did nothing wrong. I want to be okay with losing the unconditional love that I thought I had from this friend and be ok with it.
Cue deep breath.
I have let my personal yoga and meditation fall by the wayside this summer as I let other projects and priorities move to the forefront. I was reminded that Fall is a great time to reevaluate and renew our priorities and routines. It is probably time to get back on the mat.
So I am committing back to my meditation routine, and that includes Meta Meditation, the Loving Kindness Meditation. I am going to recommit to sending loving kindness to this person that is probably ending his time as my friend in my life. And I am going to love myself through it. I am not going to take his harsh judgments too much to heart – all of which are valid from his point of view but are just a part of who I am or his misinterpretation of my actions – and I am not gong to try to twist myself into a pretzel to change to fit into his mold of a friend. I am going to wish him well and move on.
Cue second deep breath.
If you are unfamiliar with Meta Meditation I am going to post a podcast teaching you how to do it on the site. It might help you to love yourself a little more actively, and help you “let go” a little less painfully. I hope so.
I’ll keep you posted on my journey. Would love you to share your experiences about your circumstances too. Feel free to email me at mel@livelivelybewell.
Life coach, yoga teacher, writer, college professor, theatre professional, mom, wife... the order of emphasis changes daily, hourly, and often, moment to moment.